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The perfect words

May 5, 2009

“this past afternoon i had a breakdown of sorts, exhausted from the three and a half months of constantly moving and sleeping on couches, searching for employment of any kind and searching for a room to call my own. i began to sink low, telling myself that i do not like who i am at this moment. as i sat alone, thinking for a few hours, i came to the realization that i am okay with the fact that i don’t necessarily know who i am. i know my passions, i know my wants and needs for the present, and i know how i feel. the only things i know are what i am not. i am not alone, even when i feel it most. i am not a bad person, i mean well. i am often not understood, but i will keep trying to make myself clear, at least somewhat. i am not pretentious, i am very insecure but am comfortable with those insecurities and i know i will overcome them. i am not wise, i am open to any learning experience and am constantly changing. i am not a great photographer, i am dissatisfied with a majority of the photographs i make but making photographs is something that makes me feel the most alive. i am not old nor do i feel beyond my age. i feel most people tell me i look and act older than my number tells me i am and that pressure of not wanting to disappoint people can sometimes get to me. i am not happy all of the time, but every depression i come across i learn from and move on. i do not dwell on the past or think too often about the future, but i am only human and both the past and the future can and sometimes does worry me. i am not doing anything special, many people just pack up and leave, i only am fascinated with documentation and i enjoy sharing my stories. i am not looking for true love, i am not looking for a place where i belong, i am not trying to make a name for myself. i am not trying to make a point and i am not trying to change the world. i am simply changing, learning, and growing. i feel depression, i feel love, i feel genuine happiness, i feel loneliness, i feel inspiration, i feel true passion, i feel exhaustion, i feel stress, i feel creativity, i feel anxiety, i feel excitement. i am alive and living. it is as simple and as difficult as that.” – Megan McIssac

This is who I am too. She just always has the perfect words.

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